Remember V?  You know, the 1983 NBC miniseries about an alien invasion?  Starring the guy from The Beastmaster?  Not ringing a bell?  Well, V was about the Visitors, a race of old-people-sunglasses-wearing aliens who come to Earth, park their flying saucers over major cities¹ and sheepishly ask for humanity to help them save their dying planet.  In exchange, they offer to share their amazing technology, crimson wardrobe and stunning, early-'80s glamor.  All is well until The Beastmaster, employed here as a TV cameraman, catches them eating live mice.²  While the aliens' diet is merely off-putting, their true intentions (global conquest!  using people for food!!) are cause for serious alarm.  And also, they have lizard faces underneath their human disguises, and that's pretty gross.  I'd long since put V's lesson of be-wary-of-powerful-entities-swearing-they-mean-no-harm out of my head until Wednesday, when Tom Phillips announced Google's SEM intentions following the offical closing of the DREADED DOUBLECLICK PURCHASE(!).  If you missed this, basically, the Doubleclick deal is done, and Google has further tightened its primary-colored fingers around SEM.  Or not.  According to Phillips' Wednesday afternoon post to the Googleblog, the search giant's³ Doubleclick intentions are not as nefarious as everyone feared.  So what, exactly, is Google planning to do with the SEM side of its shiny new toy?

First of all, it's selling Performics SEM, the search agency side of Doubleclick to a third party.  A lot of agency-types heaved sighs of relief at the expected (though unconfirmed) news that Google won't be pushing them out of business.  Not like this, anyway.  Secondly, the engine is also integrating Performics Affiliate into its product line.  While most of the articles talking about these shuffles haven't really highlighted this facet of the Doubleclick deal, from an affiliate's perspective, this is pretty intriguing, and by intriguing, I mean terrifying.  If you're an affiliate, your competition is now a lot bigger and stronger.  Of course, if you're a publisher, this is akin to winning the big prize on a scratch-off ticket, since SEM integration will likely get a lot easier. 

I think what's going on here is that Google has found a way to spread its revenue around should paid clicks continue their alleged slow down.  Instead of conquering the proverbial world, perhaps Google is preparing for the possibility that its planet may be in peril.  On the other hand, the moves add a whole new level to Google's commercial presence.  It already wields Google Product Search and offers shopping cart technology in its ads, but now it has direct access to major advertisers on a new part of the business.  Never mind that it now has tons of traffic-hungry affiliate marketers right in the palm of its hand.  If these guys aren't running AdSense, already, you can bet they'll be registering for it now. 

Obviously, Google has no intention of subjugating the earth and eating people,⁴ and selling Performics appears to be a gesture of good faith.  However, it will be interesting to see what happens across the affiliate landscape.  My advice?  Watch the skies, and look out if you see Larry and Sergey donning red jumpsuits.

¹This plot device would be aped thirteen years later in a bigger, louder, crappier movie that suggested, among other absurdities, that an alien species able to master interstellar travel could be bested by Jeff Goldblum and a Powerbook 5300.

²Incidentally, in light of his affinity for animals, I'm going to assume The Beastmaster is a vegan.

³Googleliath?

⁴As far as you know.